a very scientific experiment, part two

I woke up to the faint trace of his musky man scent, a sore but satisfied vagina, and some drippy condoms to dispose of.

Weeks later something horrifying happened: I went to empty my bedroom trash can because I was expecting company. I never ever empty my bedroom trash can because I never produce enough garbage in my bedroom to warrant trash can emptying. The emptier a trash can, the more obvious it is full of used condoms. I try to avoid having guys see other guys’ semen, because it’s just gross. Taking this precaution is a step above washing your sheets and a step below washing your body on the scale from decency to indecency. I have some decency.

As expected, there was that fucking awful used-condom smell: the fermentation of semen and synthetic. But when I unstuck a condom from the bottom of my garbage can, I was accosted by something else: orangeness. I held it up to the light: distinctly orange semen. Unsure of what to make of it, but totally fucking repulsed, I needed to dispose of it immediately. In the incinerator room, I held it up to the light one more time just to make sure: definitively orange. The kind of orange that could potentially be the mixture of red and yellow. I mean, that’s how you make orange. Exhaustively, I thought of all the potential things that could turn semen orange, and I kept returning to that one: blood.

Frantically, I googled “orange semen,” “bloody semen,” and “blood in semen.” Fuck, I should have known this would happen: the eventual transmission of disease. Or, at least, the presentation of diseased body parts or infected bodily secretions. He is a bigger whore than even I am—a fact of which I was shocked to learn. I assumed that if a guy is a whore, he has slept with fewer people than I’ve slept with because it is so much easier for a girl. But he has an easy advantage over me: He is a serial cheater. Had I cheated on recent boyfriends, for sure, I would be caught up to him.

Unfortunately, there are few questions and even fewer answer online pertaining to discolored semen.

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/457632-overview

The best source I could find essentially says that blood in semen could be a symptom of any and every urinary, reproductive, or prostate problem in existence. The internet was no help. Not even a poem to raise my spirits. Where are the artists and medical professionals when I need them? The perverts? Anyone? All I learned from my research was that bloody semen could be benign or could be something serious. Thanks for nothing, purportedly endless information source.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in very scientific experiment: part 2 and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s