Author Archives: indefenseofgettingoff

How to Convince a Woman that Sex is Bad: Part 2

How to Convince a Woman that Sex is Bad: An Instruction Manual for Men who Feel Entitled to Undermine Women’s Feelings and Desires PART 2: NEVER TRUST A SLUT “she’s crafty// and she’s just my type” On June 22nd we … Continue reading

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How to Convince a Woman that Sex is Bad: Part 1

How to Convince a Woman that Sex is Bad: An Instruction Manual for Men who Feel Entitled to Undermine Women’s Feelings and Desires PART 1: DO YOU LIKE HAVING SEX? “I want to fuck you like an animal// I want … Continue reading

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Foodstuff, body humiliation, and fingering trauma

TRAUMA SEEPING OUT OF CREVICES This guy who broke up with me recently (let’s call him Kyle) gave me a list of complaints (which of course should have been rendered while we were still together, when they were actionable), stuff … Continue reading

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Semen Achieved

Martin Shkreli is the philanthropist who keeps on giving. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s harness humility and say grace for the substance I am most thankful for: semen. Not his. Below is a conversation I had with The Man … Continue reading

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The Champagne and Cocaine Crowd

We are to meet up at the 6 stop on 86th and Lex, focal point of my adolescence. Spence, my snobfest all-girls elementary thru high school, located just a few blocks away off Museum Mile. Every time I come back, … Continue reading

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10k Q & A: Part 1

YOU SEEM SO OUT OF CONTEXT IN THIS GAUDY APARTMENT COMPLEX This is like hearing a sample of a sound bite of a conversation and coming to a conclusion. We do not know what lead up to this exchange or … Continue reading

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10k Addendum

Remember how I said I couldn’t post uncensored screenshots of Martin Shkreli and my facebook correspondence because facebook was holding them prisoner? Well, lucky for me, facebook has released his account from investigation and restored access to the incriminating messages … Continue reading

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10k

Before I moved across the big pond, I made sure to do lots of New Yorky things: eat everything bagels, go to the new Whitney, ride on the handlebars of a hipster’s fixie, steal something of no monetary value from … Continue reading

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Keepsake

KEEPSAKE MAY 2014 “That’s backwards of how the whole author thing works,” Andrew condescends, upon my suggesting I might read his book if we meet in-person and I don’t hate his guts. “If we meet and you hate me you … Continue reading

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The Whir-Grind

The Whir-Grind   March 16th, 2015 “You have to start taking responsibility for yourself, start acting like a 30-year-old,” my mom scolds over some petty infraction. “First you won’t go to J. Crew with me to return the suits, suits … Continue reading

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