Author Archives: indefenseofgettingoff

Semen Achieved

Martin Shkreli is the philanthropist who keeps on giving. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s harness humility and say grace for the substance I am most thankful for: semen. Not his. Below is a conversation I had with The Man … Continue reading

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The Champagne and Cocaine Crowd

We are to meet up at the 6 stop on 86th and Lex, focal point of my adolescence. Spence, my snobfest all-girls elementary thru high school, located just a few blocks away off Museum Mile. Every time I come back, … Continue reading

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10k Q & A: Part 1

YOU SEEM SO OUT OF CONTEXT IN THIS GAUDY APARTMENT COMPLEX This is like hearing a sample of a sound bite of a conversation and coming to a conclusion. We do not know what lead up to this exchange or … Continue reading

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10k Addendum

Remember how I said I couldn’t post uncensored screenshots of Martin Shkreli and my facebook correspondence because facebook was holding them prisoner? Well, lucky for me, facebook has released his account from investigation and restored access to the incriminating messages … Continue reading

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10k

Before I moved across the big pond, I made sure to do lots of New Yorky things: eat everything bagels, go to the new Whitney, ride on the handlebars of a hipster’s fixie, steal something of no monetary value from … Continue reading

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Keepsake

KEEPSAKE MAY 2014 “That’s backwards of how the whole author thing works,” Andrew condescends, upon my suggesting I might read his book if we meet in-person and I don’t hate his guts. “If we meet and you hate me you … Continue reading

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The Whir-Grind

The Whir-Grind   March 16th, 2015 “You have to start taking responsibility for yourself, start acting like a 30-year-old,” my mom scolds over some petty infraction. “First you won’t go to J. Crew with me to return the suits, suits … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 6

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 6   ……………………………………………………………………………………  THE FRONT END ……………………………………………………………………………………  FEBRUARY Niall visited me a few weeks after my surgery, knowing full well that I was capable of no more than consuming dinner and codeine, limping around my apartment … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 5

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 5   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Dream on. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Two days later, I’m thawed out on drugs, restless from too much sleep and too little movement, looking for a getaway vehicle to take me away to the morphine peach … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 4

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 4 ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Civilized conversations about bodily misfortunes. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Mom: You just have to tell me what button to press. Me: The icon that looks exactly like a camera. Do you remember what cameras used to look … Continue reading

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