Author Archives: indefenseofgettingoff

10k

Before I moved across the big pond, I made sure to do lots of New Yorky things: eat everything bagels, go to the new Whitney, ride on the handlebars of a hipster’s fixie, steal something of no monetary value from … Continue reading

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Keepsake

KEEPSAKE MAY 2014 “That’s backwards of how the whole author thing works,” Andrew condescends, upon my suggesting I might read his book if we meet in-person and I don’t hate his guts. “If we meet and you hate me you … Continue reading

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The Whir-Grind

The Whir-Grind   March 16th, 2015 “You have to start taking responsibility for yourself, start acting like a 30-year-old,” my mom scolds over some petty infraction. “First you won’t go to J. Crew with me to return the suits, suits … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 6

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 6   ……………………………………………………………………………………  THE FRONT END ……………………………………………………………………………………  FEBRUARY Niall visited me a few weeks after my surgery, knowing full well that I was capable of no more than consuming dinner and codeine, limping around my apartment … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 5

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 5   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Dream on. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Two days later, I’m thawed out on drugs, restless from too much sleep and too little movement, looking for a getaway vehicle to take me away to the morphine peach … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 4

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 4 ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Civilized conversations about bodily misfortunes. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Mom: You just have to tell me what button to press. Me: The icon that looks exactly like a camera. Do you remember what cameras used to look … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 3

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 3 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Forgive me father for I have sinned. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… I’ve been waiting for a guide to take me by the hand Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man? New sensations … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 2

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 2 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Pre-Surgical Sexing …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Sex trolling commenced as I was composing the Rock Bottom post admitting that I couldn’t go additional months without sex. Mostly exploring my options, like when you open your eyes to … Continue reading

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Dream Big, Baby: Part 1

DREAM BIG, BABY: PART 1 But when we wake It’s all been erased And so it seems Only in dreams —Weezer, Only in Dreams Every six months or so I dream about masturbating. From the first-person perspect. Oh gosh, how … Continue reading

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The 13th Step: Rock Bottom

THE 13th STEP: ROCK BOTTOM Oh, hai, thanks for stopping by. Guys, I have a problem. I’ve been through so many guys, yet had sooo little sex. It’s demoralizing. I think my count at this juncture in the space-time continuum … Continue reading

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