sexual shame, part three

Re: Self Magazine, October 2009

Cover Story on Pg. 172, “Sexual Confidence” by Deanna Kizis

 

Referred to in the table of contents as “10 Simple Sex-Life Improvers: Shed sexual hang-ups and savor more satisfaction…”

Self magazine, now is when I expose you as frauds. Enjoy my unintentional investigative journalism, idiots.

You only publish “real stories from real women.” HA!

After the fact checker e-mailed me to “make sure that the information [they’re] attributing to [me] (actually, [my] pseudonym) accurately reflects [my] thoughts and opinions,” I sent back an e-mail exposing all the glaring inaccuracies along with the butchered sentiment. Deanna Kizis (to whom I refer as “Yvette” in my former blog posts about the “sexual shame” article) responded with a reassuring e-mail: “Thanks, Genie. [The fact checker] told me this afternoon that you said that there were some inaccuracies. I looked over what [she] sent you, and I also saw some mistakes that [she] included which weren’t actually in the article I wrote! Hopefully your revisions will help her figure things out. Sorry about the confusion.”

Oh, good, so Deanna won’t misrepresent what I said because she simply omitted that which was inaccurate.

Luckily, I am not so naïve as she might have thought. I published our extensive e-mail correspondence on my blog well before the magazine hit newsstands, so if I were to later make a claim of being misquoted, it would be deemed credible and hold some clout.

Oh Deanna, when I said I wrote sexual health articles, you should have guessed that I have a sex blog, too, and that I don’t play nicely with liars. I don’t need to because my real life is interesting enough as-is so that I don’t need to fabricate it or use a magazine with national name recognition as personal leverage. I am quite happy with my widely read and at least somewhat respected sex blog. If nothing else, it contains real stories from a real woman, which is more than you will ever be. Didn’t your mommy ever tell you not to put anything you don’t want repeated in writing? If only you interviewed me over the phone and left it at that. But, no, you and your colleagues sent follow-up e-mails.

What Self magazine published was abominable. Not a disgrace to me because my real name does not appear and I did all that I could to make it accurate (for ethical and political reasons). But hopefully, it will become a disgrace to Deanna Kizis and the Self magazine fact-checking team when the whole wide world gets wind of the FACT (as captured in our e-mail correspondence) that a purportedly reputable (albeit shallow and superficial) magazine fakes the content of articles that they claim to be “real stories from real women.”

And now I will juxtapose the facts I repudiated in my response to the fact checker with that which appeared in the article, itself.

Response to the fact checker (which originally appeared in my September 3rd blog post, “sexual shame, part two”):

Excerpt from exhaustive elaboration of my story and my interview: “I do, indeed consider myself to be a very sexual person both insofar as my self-identity and what I express to guys. However, I do have trouble orgasming with guys and I even sometimes have difficulty getting myself off, despite a high level of comfort and familiarity with my own body. Sometimes sex is sexually frustrating, sometimes I get bored or worn out, and sometimes I feel comfortable enough getting off in front of a guy. I am extremely upfront about giving instructions and I have had many guys tell me that they like the direction. However, I know some guys feel like it is nearly impossible to please me because I really know what I want. Usually I end up touching myself and even use toys to help out, and although some guys are turned on by this and others are indifferent or treat it like a practical matter, others feel inadequate.”

Fact: “You said that you are embarrassed that you have trouble having an orgasm with your current partner, but you’re too ashamed to ask him to do what you think you’d need to reach that climax.”

Response: “I do not have a current partner, nor did I at the time of interview. I have numerous casual partners, some repeats but no one whom I could call a regular partner. I am definitely never too ashamed to ask guys what I think I need to orgasm and guys are always relieved when I give them directions because it is easier for them if they aren’t kept in the dark. Sometimes I just can’t figure out how to make myself orgasm. If I knew, it would certainly be no secret. The reason I am ashamed is that I ask for everything I know to ask for and I have a very good sense of my body, but often I still come up short and my body doesn’t cooperate as I want it to.”

Fact: “You said that when you feel very close to having an orgasm, you feel like you could do it if you had one more thing, such as sex toys, touching yourself, etc., but you feel too embarrassed to actually do it.”

Response: “Once again, not embarrassed to touch myself or use toys. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but sometimes I still fail and that is what is the hardest.”

The paragraph about me in the article:

Karla Page, a 25-year-old graduate student, says she feels mortified when she doesn’t climax with a partner. “I’ll be close to having an orgasm, but then there’s one thing I need, like a toy or touching myself, and I’m too shy to do it. With each experience my self-esteem suffers,” she says.

Of course my self-esteem would suffer if I were stupid and vain enough to sacrifice sexual pleasure in the name of protecting psychological hang-ups.

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