Hotel Masturbation (February 9th, 2014)

Because there was a 2-year lapse in my blogging, followed by a 6-month lapse when I was studying for the MCAT, I assume my regular readers (i.e., my friends and friend-of-friends) have stopped reading this. However, there is small, little-understood contingent who has discovered my blog unintentionally, while searching for very serious things. HOTEL MASTURBATION—some iteration of this phrase is the most popular search term that has directed people to my blog since its inception. A close second is stuff about Gossip Girl and masturbation. Which, I guess, would make masturbation the common thread in my blog. GASP!

I was in disbelief. NO WAY! Hotel masturbation is such a ubiquitous human phenomenon. Am I really the only person in the nation who blogs about this? Specifically as related to family vacation hotel masturbation? Impossible! So, I searched myself. Entering “hotel masturbation” into google’s unsafest search, I yielded enough results so that I got bored after about page two. It was all porno. No surprise there. And video clips of Tom from Blink-182 talking about Mark from Blink-182 walking in on him wanking. So I felt like I was in good company. And that I had achieved my desired (aspired?) level of maturity.

Soon there will be another post. Because I have a five-year follow-up to “ten years of hotel masturbation, a retrospective,” entitled “hotel masturbation: five years gone.” There is a companion video, which you will never see. At least until I get into medical skool!

When I’m on a family vacation, I instantly become an angsty 14-year-old who has to masturbate 3 times a day! So much angst to release! Alanis Morissette! Hole’s Pretty On The Inside! My vagina becomes ragey!!! If only I were as articulate as Kathleen Hanna and could express myself in magazine cut-outs and music!!!!!!!!! Vaginal wonder; vaginal rage.

I leave you with a list of search terms that enticed people to check out my blog over the past year. I sort of hope that most of the people were looking for my blog. Because anyone searching for Beauty and the Beast porn has a problem! Also, if you found this while earnestly combing the internetz for the “smallest pines ever,” my condolences to you. May I direct you to the forest?

Some wonderful stranger inadvertently directed me to this marvelous blog: ilikeprecum.blogspot.com. Clinical but spontaneous like transparent glaze poured over a stoneware bowl. Sadly, it appears that this blog, too, has been abandoned. I’m soo into the pics of cum pooling on tables. Same exact appeal as in the Gaston video. Here is some of the best of.

Pools

This. Is. Incredible.

If only a man would offer his penis to me as an art piece. Sigh.

Couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t find these photos I saved on my computer. Until I realized I switched the title from “I like precum” to “I love precum.” Of course I did.