PENIS LINEUP (August 2011)
Me: Last night I slept with Clyde McManus. I suppose that is the quintessential NYC nightlife experience?
Paul: Doesn’t count unless you checked in on Foursquare. But omg why did you do that?
Me: Ha ha, I dunno. It was fun. Bad drunken sex, but whatevs. He actually has an attractive cock and was kinda a gentleman. Plus riding on his vespa was fun.
Paul: You’re in a unique position to confirm whether or not he’s hung like a horse. There was an internet photo awhile back that might have been him.
Me: And i think the real answer to your question is that i havent had sex in six months
Paul: No sex in six months? That also doesn’t add up.
Me: There is literally no one to have sex w in [the wilderness] unless i wanna go for middle aged
Believe it or not
I am married to models of molecules
I wouldnt say hung like a horse, but he is big
Where do i find the picture? I could prob identify it
He is uncirc and to the left
Foreskin very retractable though
Paul: It vanished from the internet almost immediately, but not before @ClydeMcManusspenis came from
How long are you back for?
Me: Ah, thats too bad. Would feel like a productive citizen identifying a penis in a lineup. Im back for a week. What are you up to?
And what is so terrible about sleeping with Clyde McManus?
Paul: It’s my first day back in school. You should come to [event] tomorrow.
Nothing terrible, just surprising. He is very much in that department a male you.
Me: What, where, when is [event]?
I might be able to stop by, although I have a tentative wed night engagement w another pretty penis. Today I am resting up my sore vagina.
Paul: LES, I think. The account was made just to make fun of the dick slip. Largely defunct, but you can still talk to it if you’d like.
Me: Are you telling me I can follow Clyde McManus’s penis on Twitter? If so, I’m glad that I slept with him if only for the hilarity. He’s a character; i like characters.
Ha ha ha, okay. Well let me know more specific deets if you end up going. My tentative pretty penis date is [in East Village], so wouldnt be impossible to double book my evening.
Googling “penis lineup” gave me the following images:
Would love to tile my bathroom in The Spice of Life. Most tasteful way to up the kitsch factor. Penises would make perfect towel hooks.
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Two days later, Davey got in touch. My vag was still wrecked. You know how people joke about not being able to walk after sex with a hung guy? Other things you cannot do include: sneezing, coughing, peeing. It all hurts. Rough times.
Davey: About to have dinner with a friend in my hood and will probably be retiring to my couch afterwards. Don’t know what your deal is but let me know if you’re around
Me: Are you free tomorrow night?
Davey: Well I have dinner with my old roommates but possibly after
Me: Word. Think I might stay in tonight. I’ll spare you the gross explanation.
Davey: Or at least semi spare me