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Author Archives: indefenseofgettingoff
Fling Flung, Part 1: Doubt
As someone who has been with a lot of guys, I have faced a lot of ends. The average shelf life of a random fuck that doesn’t go anywhere is 2-3 times (the range is 1-4). Imagine my surprise after … Continue reading
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The Exotification of Sex
Found this on my computer. Wrote it about a year ago, but I think it’s timely given that I just started JDating. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ After suffering through many a petty conversation about the politics of the workplace and high-maintenance dating rituals, … Continue reading
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just curious
My favorite part of JDate is that you can instantly click a chat box closed if an uggo, fatty, or oldie appears, uninvited, on your screen. My least favorite part is that you can limit your search options according to … Continue reading
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The Guy with The Smallest Penis Ever to be Seen, Part 4
I scrawled this in a notebook at 1:30am after fucking him in Boston. Because I like to preserve original copy (and drunken thought), this is it—unedited. Anything that has been altered or added is in brackets. Enjoy. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ How you … Continue reading
The Guy with The Smallest Penis Ever to be Seen, Part 3
A few days later, he texted me… 1/18 8:59pm A: That was pretty wild the other night… I had a good time 1/19 7:00pm G: Ha, me too. Glad you texted. Thought it was pretty rude that you left without … Continue reading
The Guy with The Smallest Penis Ever to be Seen, Part 2
We went back to my place and the hook up was normal enough until Adam exposed himself and I realized he wasn’t joking about his size. I reacted like most girls wouldn’t: Ever the sexual opportunist, I was thrilled! One … Continue reading
The Guy with The Smallest Penis Ever to be Seen, Part 1
The Guy with The Smallest Penis Ever to be Seen: Anal Obligatory After a night of unenthusiastic, effortless, and ultimately antagonistic sex with a now ex-friend, he was exactly what I needed. The guy with the smallest penis ever to … Continue reading
moral outrage
There is this guy I hook up with every so often. I shouldn’t even phrase it like that; I should say, “There is this guy I’ve hooked up a few times over the years.” The amount of contact makes it … Continue reading
The Rise and Fall of Hipster Dave, Part Four
Since our last encounter, periodically I received late-night text messages from Hipster Dave. Tuesday night I decided I had had enough. D: Hey its dave…just got done playin a show and wonderin if u wanted to grab a drink G: … Continue reading
The Rise and Fall of Hipster Dave, Part Three
“Lazy” and “useless” would be massive understatements in describing Hipster Dave during our long-awaited, second encounter. He was, more aptly, “stagnant” and “sedentary.” Stoic. Stale. Dead. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Allister unintentionally taught me a winning technique for ensuring the repetition of sex. … Continue reading
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