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Author Archives: indefenseofgettingoff
The Herps, Part 3: Speculation, The Herps
(Thought I was gonna say speculum nation, huh?) July 23rd 2014 Last night I over-wanked after writing about my pious Judaism, a.k.a, the study of Jonathan Ames’ sacred scriptures. When I peed, it hurt. First, I thought of Eminem. … Continue reading
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The Herps, Part 2: Judaism, Therapy
The last two months have been spent wandering aimlessly in a thick daze of compressed air and wanking to oblivion for momentary clarity. Professionally, I have goals. In fact, I have repurposed my parts to robot! But I am not … Continue reading
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The Herps, Part 1: The Playlist
I’m going to drop you into part 6 of a 6-part “Body Horror” series. A little acclimation comes at the beginning, but mostly you will have to wait for parts 1-5. I’m inclined to say that, in general, it would … Continue reading
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BJ Haterz Need Not Apply
NEED NOT APPLY I’m immature when it comes to a lot of things, but especially when it comes to handjobs. The reason is simple: Handjobs are hilarious. It’s not possible to give one with a straight face when that face … Continue reading
Bowel Liberation Movement
IT’S A JUNGLE OUT THERE April 13th, 2014 Genie: Today is the one-year anniversary of my commencing internet dating. Andrew: Happy Anniversary! Genie: Ha, my spoils of the year haven’t amounted to much By any definition of dating success Andrew: … Continue reading
Tired of Sex
As per the Weezer song, I’m tired of sex. Or at least online dating. Today marks the one-year anniversary of my first sexual encounter since my series of surgeries! What have I learned during my year of healing and exploration? … Continue reading
Posted in tired of sex (april 2014)
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Self-subjectification: Mainstreaming
MAINSTREAMING: JOANNA ANGEL Here’s what I’m into: Joanna Angel. I wanna get off to her and I wanna be her. Like me, she’s a petite, curvy, Jewess with pink streaks in her hair and an attitude to match her aesthetic. … Continue reading
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