InDefenseOfGettingOff's Blog

This exchange totally fascinated me because all of these years Charlie and I have discussed cum in less specific terms and I figured we were into the same things, i.e., that our shared love for precum generalized to other forms of cum. But, among other reasons, Charlie and I are incompatible because we are into cum at different stages. We are both into precum, the process of cumming, and the substance as it comes out, but his appreciation stops there, while my adoration extends to the landing sequence.

Porn preferences are more idiosyncratic than practically anything else. With food, movies, etc., you can make recommendations based on taste, but it seems impossible to predict what people are into porn-wise. It is more specific, more instinctual. There is less rhyme and reason involved and the specifics are more integral to the experience, as it is about utility, not entertainment, enjoyment, or intellectual appreciation. With food, movies, etc., you can have an appreciation on a variety of levels, as in, you can laugh at a stupid movie and know that it is stupid and you can eat junk food and know that it is shitty. But with porn, your body either reacts or doesn’t. Which isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate absurd porn on a comedic level, but then it ceases to be porn and the standards applied become the same as the standards applied to something with purported cinematic value. See: New Wave Hookers, Vol. 5. No, please do see it. You won’t regret it. Or forget it, for that matter.

The video that this post links to is overly-graphic and repulsive but has artistic merit and is filmed creatively, showcasing their bodies in a way not possible with normal furniture/body part blockage. I appreciate the director for his ingenuity, resourcefulness. Previously, I had never seen the use of glass in porn besides in this gay cumshot comp where the last scene is ruined by a guy creepily scaling someone’s house and cumming on their window. Artistic merit in porn seems to be something that can be commonly enjoyed, regardless of taste, but when you take it to the level of pornographic utility, it is impossible to predict its value to anyone else. Sometimes I even surprise myself. 

P.S. Let me clarify the distinction between judgment, value, and taste as it pertains to porn versus other mediums:

Value vs. Judgment:

In most instances, your judgment/estimation of an object affects its value to you. Judgment and value are almost synonymous; judgment is the method by which you arrive directly at an object’s value to you. 

Value vs. Taste:

With porn, however, the utility is independent of your evaluation/cognitive stance. Utility and taste are almost synonymous; that which you consider in “poor taste” could still fall within the parameters of your taste. 

me: let me explain why i think this clip is an artistic marvel:

Charlie: ok

me: http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=79c791b8b8c4b6adad16

forgive the title

[“tight pigtailed teen jammed on the dinner table”]

so, obv the thumbnail is amazing

the amount of foreskin is too much for my taste

and i hate the rough bj middle of vid

but the beginning and end

are so graphic

in a way that is showcased by the glass

and lack of it being in the girl’s mouth

at the end, you can see his dick like jumping out of his foreskin

like, the contractions are magnified by the table and lack of mouth for it to grip

and the cum is maybe even a little gross, because it is thick and not abundant and left there to play with afterwards (which i love but you hate)

Charlie: ok wow this is giving me a lot to look forward to ha

me: but the vid showcases cock in a way that most don’t

Charlie: its taking forever since im on shitty wireless

hmm ok nice

me: also, the best part is that the girl looks like blair from gossip girl

[pause the video at 5:22 for best results]

Charlie: hahaha

i still havent seen gossip girl

i really need to get into that show

i know ill love it

me: yeah

and maybe you will even like the life-sized penis in this vid

but i’d say they are equally trashy

me: the vid and gg, that is

Charlie: hahaha

Charlie: my first impression is that i wish the guy wasnt so like eastern european looking

[he looks like gaston from beauty and the beast; pause the video at 14:20 and compare to page two of google image search results, for best results]

me: yeah, i mean also we could do with out the ping pong clearly

Charlie: haha yeah

i dont mind that though

i love hilarious set ups

[from 16:21-16:28 it looks like he is using his dick as a cue stick]

me: never have i ever seen a glass ping pong table

[seems dangerous]

Charlie: ok one thing i dont like

starting to S D over the pants/boxers

oh i guess its all part of the ping pong game ha

me: hmm, i love mouths trailing over underwear

partially because i like the sensation

of getting licked through pants

Charlie: im sure the sensation is great its just for some reason underwear or pants getting covered in spit really grosses me out

so i like cant get past that

so im fine with like all kinds of rubbing just not actual spitty mouth on pants/underwear ha

me: ha, you are so interesting

what ground rules

no cum once out of the body, no non-human parts in vag, no spit on underwear

Charlie: yes hahaha

Charlie: ok finally his D is out

ok now the BJ is getting rough, i agree a little bit weird

his D is decently good but i just see like so many incredibly hot Ds in my gay porn sites

ok now theyre on the table…

i like when people do it in the position theyre in in porn just for viewing purposes

i like the way her tits flap

like that there is some kissing

i wish he would grab her neck or something though

or like pull her hair or head back

me: hmm, if you watched gg you would know that the nape of the neck is chuck’s kryptonite

Charlie: how many hot guys are there on gg?

ewwww this fingers in his mouth then fingers in her mouth thing is gross

im fine with him putting his fingers in her mouth but the alternating is weird

also i hate that in this position he looks like a frog

oh ok good theyre switching

oh ugh for purposes of porn though i dont like girl on top

i hate seeing the girls asshole

me: i love girls on top

i also like girls assholes in real life, though not so much in porn

but fingers in mouths is lame

i had this hs bf who liked seeing me lick my fingers

Charlie: hahaha

me: partially i think it was like, “ohh, my gf is sooo comfortable with her body”

for me is was like, “um, so i have to like emphatically eat my own cum?”

not that i cared

it was just superfluous

Charlie: yeah i feel you

like i have no problem with girls licking their fingers and thereby eating their cum

but yeah its nothing that great

but guys licking their own cum after they jerk off

makes me want to vomit

ok the part where he has his D on the table and shes like lapping at it and theres all this spit is absolutely disgusting too haha

thats another thing that grosses me out, spit like hanging off a D

or out of a girl’s mouth when shes giving head

maybe in real life im ok with that

but in porn im not

though now i totally get what youre saying about

this vid showing off the D in a way that few other if any pornos do

me: i love the spit part

but i have to say that what confuses me in porn

is that in real life my nose drips, my eyes water, i drool all over my face

obv so unappealing

but if you were really giving good head it would happen

Charlie: right yeah

but its like

in porn people, especially the women, are usually fake

and you usually think of them as, essentially, cum dumpsters

you dont want to see your cum dumpster’s true bodily functions

you just want her to be a doll with a pussy that gets wet, a mouth that sucks, a pretty face, and nice tits

that sounds really awful but thats how guys think of it

i mean i doubt im telling you anything you didnt know

me: i love the phrase “cum dumpster”

i prefer to think of it as “cum recepticle,” myself

although, in hs i dumped a bf (the eating vag fluids one) who i thought treated me like a “cum rag.” i think such a phrase was evoked in a kevin smith movie.

clerks, if i had to guess.

Charlie: yes i think it may have been clerks

i have a friend that loves to call girls he hates cunt rags ha

me: mmm, that is a good phrase because it is evocative of the period

Charlie: yeah it is

though its also somewhat timeless

anyway, i gotta get to bed, tomorrow’s our last day skiing so were getting up pretty early to get on the slopes

me: okay, well goodnight

enjoy the snowballing

Charlie: hahaha

thanks

i prefer the term cum swapping its more descriptive of the act

me: mmm

i love cum swapping

Charlie: doesnt change the fact that it is quite possibly the most disgusting thing ever for me to watch

ha my friend puked watching a vid of it

me: cum swapping involves two girls, though, and i think snowballing is just spitting it into the guy’s mouth

Charlie: i was thinking like

well i was assuming it was the same thing as cum swapping once the girl has the guys cum in her mouth

but anyway ok bed!

haha

thanks for that vid

Charlie: have you seen abby winters?

me: who is that?

Charlie: oh man

you’ll love that site

well

you won’t love that there isnt much straight on it

but youll like it

http://www.abbywinters.com/portal/

me: ooh, real women

Charlie: btw i was cracking up at your brazzers critique bc obv its all so true but so funny bc its so rare to hear someone talk about brazzers in an intelligent way

me: i’m actually going lesbian-shopping saturday night

Charlie: haha what does that entail

me: i was going to go to this expensive bar with my birthright friends and pretend to be a yuppie, but instead i’m going to a lesbian bar with a lesbian friend and pretending to be a lesbian. i think i can make as authentic of a lesbian as i can a yuppie.

Charlie: yes i could see that

me: it is rare to hear someone talk about brazzers in an intelligent way? isn’t it rare to hear someone talk about brazzers at all?

Charlie: no

my friends and i talk about it all the time

we all share that pw

me: joint porn subscription?

Charlie: i have one friend who very much agrees with your analysis so actually he and i have similar conversations

as the one you and i were having

but the rest of my friends just love to talk about big tits and facials and etc etc

my one friend just pays for it and we all use his pw

me: i wondered, when you said you knew the gay site was simultaneous login sensitive, whom you have shared gay porn with

ha, what a thoughtful friend

Charlie: well no one

but ive wanted to share it with some people

most of them not actually gay males

but that site is in fact quite sensitive

whereas brazzers couldnt care less

prob like 30 people use that pw at this point

the reason i like brazzers is because within the confines of what it does, it does it better than any other porn i can think of

(within those confines)

and i have seen a LOT of straight porn

actually no… i like college fuck fest and inthevip better, but those are somewhat niche and also thats mainly just because the guys are hotter and more “real”

me: and college fuck fest resembles rape rather than rape fantasy

it astounds me that a mostly gay guy would watch this

i do understand the ugly guy in porn thing, how it makes normal guys feel like they can get really hot, plastic chicks–it makes it more relatable to normal guys

Charlie: i dont want to see ugly guys in porn

at all

but yea that probably applies to some guys

(the black dude in inthevip is not doing any of the fucking)

haha

college fuck fest yes… there are some horrifying scenes

i mean ill be very honest and say that while i would never want to have that kind of sex with a girl (now im not talking about their across the line scenes, just their run of the mill scenes) i still get off seeing it

and that probably makes me a bad person

and about brazzers, what im saying is, as long as its going to have plastic women and a very porn star-ish type of guy, and very ultimately boring sex, they have the hottest plastic women, the hottest porn star-ish guys, the most hilarious/ingenious/entertaining “plots,” and the most interesting “boring” sex

me: hmm, i’m not sure if it makes you a bad person

Charlie: oh and the best site organization

which you mentioned

me: but one of my friends has good analysis of collegefuckfest, which is: “fucking passed out chicks would be boring”

ha ha, i suppose brazzers does have the superlatives in all those categories

there is one video i love, a hustler college invasions vid, that i think makes me a bad person

it is the frattiest thing ever, beer is poured and licked off pussy, but something about that vid in particular is so hot

porn preferences are so idiosyncratic

Charlie: right see i think you see what i see in it

im guessing

based on what you said about that video

and yea the kind of cff video i said i dont like is the ones where theyre passed out ha

i like it when the chick is going nuts

and the guy too of course

me: maybe i haven’t seen those cff vids, maybe i am missing out

Charlie: i can send you a few choice ones if youd like

large file sizes though

me: ha ha, i don’t know, i might fall asleep watching them

Charlie: hahaha

im an ADD porn watcher

i dont watch more than 5 seconds without moving the little thing ahead

unless its REALLY hot

me: you know you have an easy life when you fall asleep watching porn, out of boredom not exhaustion

Charlie: hahahah yeah

me: hmm, i do like the fast fowarding tool

Charlie: yes i use that ALL the time

me: have you ever seen a vid where if you rewind it is a diff vid?

Charlie: hmm no thats never happened

me: i have this vid where it happens. maybe i could actually send it to you over aim.

Charlie: that is so weird haha

but yeah sure im curious haha

oh and btw

regarding another thing about your msg

yes boy scout camp is pretty gay

but

well and that was hot

but

i feel like military and frat house videos are nearly always fuckin awful

because the whole point of things like frat houses and military and camps and whatever

is that its all so “innocent” and among people whod never otherwise be in a situation to get with a guy or want to

and like

having gruff tatooed porn stars who you know have had like 400 dicks in their ass just pretty much sucks all hotness out of it

me: ha ha, i see that. but i think there maybe are some innocent people who experiment at camp or in college when they’re wasted and horny, or whatever. i suppose it would just have to be handjobs and bjs, but you don’t like ass stuff anyway. i’m not sure all frat house/camp porn has to have gruff porn stars. military porn is maybe another story.

Charlie: yeah

well like i guess the point is just that its virtually impossible to recreate what truly made a camp/college/whatever hook-up hot in a porn movie

not that i would actually know since i never hooked up with someone in that kind of environment

i mean, yes i kissed 3 or 4 guys in college that werent (or claimed not to be) gay

yes i saw a D or two during boy scout camp

or at sleepovers

but nothing real ever actually happened

im still kind of bitter that i missed out on that

which i should probably get over

me: i think i’m going to be complicit in your accusations of blog verbosity, because i really can’t think of a more fitting title than “the idiosyncrasies of porn preferences” or “the idiosyncratic nature of porn preference”

by the way, it appears that monday is official sex blog viewing day

i get way more hits on mondays than any other day

Charlie: interesting

and, yeah, i mean, you cant really make the title more succinct than that without losing something

like “people like surprising shit” doesnt really capture it

me: ha ha. what about “sometimes i even gross myself out.”

Charlie: hahaha

A conversation prompted by my post “on cum”:

FROM ME:

Dear Charlie,

I hope you get off to my most recent post. Happy New Year’s.

XOXO,

Genie

FROM CHARLIE:

haha, about to read it now. i’ll let you know. my first thought after reading the first sentence, though, is that i’m not a huge fan of cum. like, i don’t really like watching people being cummed on, or gargling around cum in their mouth, or watching cum ooze out of a puss or asshole. i’ve never let anyone cum on me. anyway… maybe this will change my mind. i will say that i got hard just from reading that (few word and pretty tame) description of your gay bf’s D.

p.s. this probably isn’t really your type of porn, but if you want a straight site to look at – http://www.brazzers.com, username_____, pw:_____.

Source: www.brazzers.com

umm… why haven’t we been IMing all these years. we have so much to talk about. _____ on AIM.

FROM ME:

you are a fan of precum and girlcum, but not cum proper? fascinating. i never knew i was into cum until the first time i was cum on. a guy asked if he could do it and i thought, “sure, why not, i am washable.” except the next day i woke up, went to breakfast, looked in the mirror and thought, “did i miss and get toothpaste on my neck? ohhh.” this was at sleep-away camp as a counselor, so i spent an entire half hour pretending to be an adult, telling a table full of children to pass the orange juice, while sitting there with cum on my neck. it is true, i am washable. but you have to be aware, i.e., conscious, of the damage if you are to take care of it. now i am fully equipped with cum towels. thanks for the porn link and password. i’ll check it out. i actually got converted to straight porn after having a boyfriend. i’d hate to lie by promising you by aim friendship, because i haven’t used aim in 2 or 3 years. but perhaps we can be gmail friends. i waste time on gmail all the time. my gmail address is _____@gmail.com.

FROM CHARLIE:

haha…i feel really deprived that i don’t have any summer camp hookups. i mean, assuming you don’t count some games of truth or dare at boy scout camp that never went as far as i wanted them to.

anyway… i’m a fan of cum until it lands, if that makes any sense. the act of ejaculating, and everything that goes with it, is hot, but the actual substance is unappealing to me. i mean, once it’s out and in its resting place, it’s useless. i should say that i’ve only been cummed on once. and now that i think back to it, it was pretty hot, but again, once it was sitting on me, i didn’t really want anything to do with it.

about gay porn, even if you’ve converted away from it, i bet you would love the gay porn site i subscribe to. i’d give you the username and pw, but the site is REALLY sensitive to simultaneous log-ins, and i don’t want my account to get canceled. in any case, the chemistry between the guys on this site is just so fucking hot, like nothing that you see in basically any other porn, let alone straight porn. in fact, my (completely speculative and not based on anything but my own meager experiences) belief is honestly that (assuming it’s possible to compare them) straight sex can just never be as hot as homosexual sex. i mean i know that i’m more gay than straight, so i’m completely biased, but seriously, i have yet to see chemistry between any straight couple that even remotely approaches that between a homosexual couple, in porn or in real life.

anyway, i may be in nyc this weekend, so if i am and you’re around, maybe i can show you the site.

FROM ME:

[nb: I agree that gay/lesbian porn has the potential to be way hotter than straight porn because straight gender dynamics are so played out.]

toxic boy is unbelievably hot and the photos are beautifully shot–agreed. i have to say that you were right about brazzers–not my type of porn. i don’t like abnormally-sized body parts and things that look too staged. natural-looking amateurs are more my thing. which isn’t to say that i want someone who is 30 pounds overweight, which i suppose is the norm in our society, just someone who looks like a person–like me–not plastic. i still appreciate your forwarding the link, however, because it was fascinating getting to look at a porn site from a member’s pov (pun intended, maybe a little).

it was interesting what genres you could search under, and how things were cross- referenced, and how long vids were broken into shorter segments (ingenious) each with its individual thumbnail (which streamlines the decision-making process.) i think “jizz on my jugs” is a hilarious and poetic name. somehow it evokes this stupid book my ex got me called “stuff on cats.” my main problem with the searching by genre thing on brazzers is, since i am interested in more real-looking people, i had to search under “small boobs,” which is ridiculous because a) i have no special attachment to small boobs b) the boobs they labeled “small” weren’t even small. also, i couldn’t search under “small boobs” and “small dicks” at the same time, and i don’t even think there is a “small dicks” category because apparently guys want to see sluts pounded by eight inches. i kind of enjoyed the cheesy plots; they were a bit much even for me. i suppose they bring us back to the gilded age of porn where plots existed and five-minute action clips were embedded, rather than independent.

i am not above watching porn for its comedic merits, but it got boring after a while and to tell you the truth, i fell asleep while watching a video the other night. this is partially due to boredom. contrary to the norm, when i am bored, i really don’t feel like getting off, or i am too lazy to complete it. it’s kind of how i feel about going out on weekends, now: i can go out any and every night of the week so why even bother? likewise, i have an indefinite amount of times during the day when i could potentially get off, so it always seems like, why now?

i think i might actually like this one video entitled “the cock next door.” the girl looks young, cute, and punky. in general, i am into girls that look like teens but aren’t really. also the guy in the vid is reasonably cute and normally the guy is a really big drawback in straight, gross porn. i’m having trouble loading stuff, so i’ll give you better feedback once i figure out how to right click on my mouse and actually download it. she is playing with herself while blowing him, which is cute. i could do without the rough blowjob where he is unappealingly shaking his dick in her mouth and forcing it in, in a way that couldn’t feel good for him and must be horribly unpleasant, both physically and mentally, for her.

there is nothing gayer than boy scout camp (if only in spirit), except for, like, the military. i’m sure you’ve seen many a military and frat house video. while i am not into them, i find them hysterical and artistically ingenious (although they are normally done in an extremely cheesy, studio-produced way.)

about the cum, i’ve had male friends who have told me that they think the substance is a sheer inconvenience and if they could stop their balls from working, they would. the whole process is so divine to me. i have more writing on cum that i will post soon. i guess the distinction you make in your preference is one that delineates egocentonic from egodistonic. to put it in non-psych jargon terms, it is like the difference between swallowing your spit all day and spitting in a cup then drinking out of it. or the difference between someone having hair on his head and your finding a piece of his hair on the headrest of a chair. one is gross and one is not because, despite being the same fundamental substances, they have different meanings in a self vs. other way. once cum is out of someone, it is disconnected from the act and becomes a substance on its own. then you want nothing to do with it because its utility is over and cum as the substance, itself, is not appealing. i like how you say, “once it is out and in its resting place.” that is a vaguely romantic way to put it. even cum has its home, its final destination (before it is slicked on towels, crumpled in tissues, washed down the drain).

some other time, i will extensively explain to you my conversion from gay to straight porn, which at this point is more incidental, based on the mediums by which i acquire porn, than purposeful, based on my actual preference. that said, the serious relationship did influence my taste in porn in various ways, from increasing my interest in the straight dynamic, to allowing me to identify with creampies rather than seeing them as an insult to the proper cumshot. more on all of the topics in this last paragraph later. i must go to sleep.